‘Friends’ castmates grieving Matthew Perry’s death. How do you cope with losing a friend? Expert offers insight

The cast of friends standing together posing for a group photo at the Emmy Awards.
From cast of Friends (Outstanding Comedy Series) L to R : David Schwimmer, LisaKudrow, Matthew Perry, Courteney Cox Arquette, Jennifer Aniston and Matt Leblanc attend the 54th Annual Emmy Awards. – US actor Matthew Perry, best known for playing Chandler Bing in the hit ’90s TV sitcom Friends, has died at the age of 54. Photo by Lionel Hahn/ABACAPRES.COMSipa via AP Images

Conversations around death and dying often focus on losing family members. But the reaction to the recent death of “Friends” actor Matthew Perry illustrates the grief that comes with losing a friend — or even just a celebrity who felt like one. Many times, this loss can be equivalent or even greater than losing a family member.

Perry’s “Friends” cast mates (and close friends) released a joint statement two days after his Oct. 28 death, declaring themselves “more than just cast mates. “We are a family,” their statement read. “There is so much to say, but right now we’re going to take a moment to grieve and process this unfathomable loss.”

How can you process a loss of a close friend like this? Northeastern University associate professor of applied psychology Christie Rizzo offered tips for managing this type of grieving process. Rizzo’s comments have been edited for clarity and brevity.

How can you process a loss of a close friend like this? Northeastern University associate professor of applied psychology Christie Rizzo offered tips for managing this type of grieving process. Photo by Alyssa Stone/Northeastern University

How can losing someone who is a close friend differ from losing a relative?

One of the things that can be unique with (losing) a close friend is oftentimes it brings to light our own mortality. Typically a close friend is somebody who’s similar in age. It makes us all think about our own vulnerability and that can be pretty upsetting in and of itself.

The other thing is that we all have different levels of closeness with different people in our lives. Your best friend might be somebody you’re closer with than a sibling. It’s important not to judge grief based on the label of the person that they’re grieving. We sometimes underestimate the impact and that impact can be just as significant as the loss of a family member.

Matthew Perry was part of this show that was crucial to a lot of people. Can people feel grief over losing someone who was a public figure who they didn’t know but they felt like they knew?

In some ways, definitely. Some folks are more apt to feel those connections to public figures than others. If you think about seeing this person on television every Thursday for years, that person does become part of your life. Even though it is a character and you don’t necessarily know the celebrity behind the character, you know that there is a presence of that person in your life. You absolutely can feel that loss because there is something predictable about having some of these people on the television.

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